Monday, March 14, 2011

Without You

Dear the Internet,

Oh, dearest the Internet, without you I would be lost. Without you I wouldn't have pictures of a the girl who sat across from me in 7th grade science's fourth wedding. I wouldn't know which celebrities were getting divorced and which ones were pregnant. I would be unaware of the music the cool kids are listening to and I would not be able to watch people running into walls on their skateboards. Without you, the Internet, I would not know which parts of my body I should be waxing and which parts I should be bleaching.

But, the Internet, I'm afraid I have failed you. How could I be so careless as to neglect your obvious need to see my new haircut? To not update you on the non-event that I had last week? Oh, my the Internet, I do not deserve you. I didn't check my email or Facebook or Twitter all weekend. I didn't even once check the stats on my blog or post, or even read anyone else's posts. The Internet! How can I make this right?

I will try to do better. Do you think you can forgive me?

A peace offering:

All my best,


  1. Hell yeah!
    Only a certain kind of person can rock the windswept bang.
    Also, the internet is a brutal mistress. You can give her your last ounce of life and she turns her head in cruel indifference.
    Treat her like the shrew she is and she'll come running back.

  2. You say windswept. I say mercilessly hairsprayed to the side to keep them from poking me in the eyeball. But thanks.

  3. Holy hotness, Batman. Those bangs are bangin'. Seriously lovely. I can't believe I wasn't here to ogle them earlier. Now there's a little sticky from Duf up there.

  4. You're sweet. Unless you're mocking me. No. You're being nice, right? Right?!


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