Dear the Internet,
Oh, dearest the Internet, without you I would be lost. Without you I wouldn't have pictures of a the girl who sat across from me in 7th grade science's fourth wedding. I wouldn't know which celebrities were getting divorced and which ones were pregnant. I would be unaware of the music the cool kids are listening to and I would not be able to watch people running into walls on their skateboards. Without you, the Internet, I would not know which parts of my body I should be waxing and which parts I should be bleaching.
But, the Internet, I'm afraid I have failed you. How could I be so careless as to neglect your obvious need to see my new haircut? To not update you on the non-event that I had last week? Oh, my the Internet, I do not deserve you. I didn't check my email or Facebook or Twitter all weekend. I didn't even once check the stats on my blog or post, or even read anyone else's posts. The Internet! How can I make this right?
I will try to do better. Do you think you can forgive me?
A peace offering:
All my best,