Friday, September 24, 2010

How Grown Ups Make Decisions

I will, sometime in the coming months, gain access to an assload of money. At least I think that's the correct unit of measurement -- bigger than a chunk, less than a fortune. Enough to make the average game show contestant leap into the air and embrace the host, not enough to retire. Anyway. I kind of have to decide soonish what the best use of this money will be.

The government is going to want a large portion of it in taxes if I don't bundle it all away into a savings or investment plan until my dotage. And it seems like I'll probably want to have some money when I am old and feeble and no longer able to earn my keep by answering phones. So there's that. A retirement fund?

But it has also been pointed out to me that I could use some of that money to procure myself the kind of education that would allow me to earn my keep in a manner more lucrative and fulfilling than answering phones. So there's that. Go back to school?

But another point that keeps nagging at me is that my house is a moldy, rodent-infested craphole and a good portion of that money could be used for much needed home improvement projects. So there's that. Fix up the house?

Then again. Why throw money at a craphole? Why not walk away from the craphole and use the money for a down payment on a less crappy, less infested house where I wouldn't have to share one tiny bathroom with four smelly males with bad aim? So... New house?

I know nothing about money management, having never had any to manage in the past. I don't know an IRA from my elbow, and my mind wanders off and starts imagining how many bags of potato chips, trips to Tahiti, and diamond-encrusted tiaras I could buy with all that money every time someone tries to explain it to me. But I feel like this is one time in my life that I need to step up and act like a grown up person and make a well thought out, informed decision.

So what do you think, Internet? What should I do with the money? C'mon. If I can't trust you, who can I trust?


  1. Tough decision! I like the new house idea, would enrich your life and make life more pleasant.

  2. Yer funny.

    And I prefer the term "Metric Assload".

  3. Thanks for the input everyone. In reality the money will probably end up going to each of these things in different amounts. As tempting as buying a new house is, I will absolutely have to fix up the one I have now a little bit before trying to sell it.


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