Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Resolution Numbers Two and Three and Four

Santa brought us a Wii for Christmas, and it has created a whole mess of problems that are going to require resolutions.

First, it is making me spend time in the basement. It's a finished basement, mostly. With laminate floors and drywall and stuff. But I haven't done anything with it in the three years that I've had the house. The walls are a poorly painted ugly shade of beige, the furniture is just all the mismatched crap that didn't fit anywhere else in the house, and it's full of big plastic storage bins full of large, plastic, mostly unused toys. It's unsightly. And I have a hang up that will not let me get comfortable in any room that I consider, by my unique sensibilities, unsightly.

Second, the Wii Fit has had the unmitigated gall to tell me I have the body of a 50-year-old fat ass. Now, I knew that my jeans size had been creeping up since the great breast feeding while starting my life over and forgetting to eat weight loss plan of 2007, but not having a functioning scale around the house has allowed me years of blissful denial of the cold hard facts. And if a Wii is anything it is cold and hard.

So here's where we come to the resolutions. In addition to the one I made last week about not being a douche to people in snowstorms (one), it seems that I will be spending some time in the basement trying to make the Wii eat its words (two), and in order to do that I will need to fix up the basement (three), but I'm broke and can't afford to decorate shit, so I need a new job (four).


  1. One thing at a time. First, I bet that basement isn't as bad as you think. There are probably some cheap things you can do to make it tolerable, at least while you are getting your ass kicked by wii. Post a picture of it, people love that shit. And we can try and help. Or make you very frustrated or just generally get all up in your bizniz. And then you'll be like FUCK YOU, I'm not changing a damn thing in this basement. It's fine the way it is. See?

  2. The wii can suck it. That bitch lectures me every time I get on it. Then she lectures me because I haven't been on it. It's sort of a vicious cycle. I say STOP THE VIOLENCE. Also, I like the soft grays, too. I like it when people ignore my advice. Also I like it when people break into song. Unless it's Creed.


Here's where you put your two cents.