I've been at a bit of a blogging loss lately. I can't seem to put two thoughts together, much less a whole paragraph. But the thing is, I feel that there's something I need to get off my chest. I'm just not sure what it is yet. It's like a giant gas bubble that you just can't get out, so you try to make yourself burp, but all you get out are those small semi-polite sounding burps. My recent posts are the burps of ten-year-olds, timidly testing a newly learned skill. I'm waiting to be inspired to rip out the ground-shaking beer and pot sticker belch of the winner in a frat house drinking game. I keep opening up this web page and staring blankly at it, waiting for the verbal gas to bubble up. And it just. Doesn't.
And so, to fill space, we'll turn this into a choose your own adventure blog. I will offer a list of subjects I could attempt to write about, and anyone who reads this thing can comment with their blogging adventure choice. That includes you, Chinese porn spammers.
1. the time Kim tried to convince me to let her stick a steak knife up my nose.
2. the time I adopted my son.
3. the time I met my boyfriend on an internet dating site.
4. the time my brother chased me through the woods with a knife, like in a horror movie.
5. the time I sewed through my finger with a sewing machine while making super lame dance costumes.
6. the time I became a Christian and then an atheist and then a Pagan and then a Wiccan and then an atheist and then a Catholic and then an atheist.
7. the time I went to college on a dare.
8. the time I realized that I still hold on to a lot of misconceptions from my childhood.
9. the time I went out to dinner with my boyfriend's ex-in-laws and they all called me Liz and I stared at them blankly.
10. the time I decided to never again use the burp as writing inspiration analogy.